April 7th, 2026
Yesterday, I had a talk I've needed to have for a while, with a friend of about a year. I got to vent about some deep issues about my current family life, as well as years of cyberbullying. The former I'm still trying to consider my options, but the latter I could act on. Indeed, I realized maybe staying in contact with people who've abused, threatened and traumatized me wasn't for the best. And at best, most Discord servers I was in were toxic: lots of useless dramas, forgetting the human... So, I pulled the trigger. I left all non-necessary Discord servers, leaving only two linked to IRL stuff. I also used this motivation to delete my Tumblr and Reddit accounts. Every day I logged into Tumblr, all I saw was discourse. Every time I logged into Reddit, I learned nothing and lost hours. I still kept Instragram and Mastodon because I have mostly IRL people on it ...To be fair, there was one other thing motivating me. I realized I was fishing for attention and love constantly on social medias. Yet, when I was actually, genuinely appreciated, I couldn't feel it. Even when explicitely told I was liked, I felt hated. Probably trauma stuff, but, I came to a (maybe sad) conclusion: if I couldn't feel loved, then why the hell waste my time trying to be loved? I wouldn't enjoy it either way! I would rather try to care for myself more than for people who I will never feel the payback from. No hate to anyone who actually like me, I like you all too, and my ultimate goal is to heal. But social media wasn't the solution. Perhaps it's also related to why I can't feel loved anymore. I'm proud of finally standing up for myself. Thankfully, the following days are going to be busy for me, so I'll be distracted enough. Also, woah, almost 700 visits? I knew the goat I drew was cute, but holy hell! Thank you all so much!! I was going to post today, but it's about a very sensitive subject. I did write a trigger warning, but I feel shy all of a sudden. I'll have to think it through before posting it. And hey, one last thing: I'm almost done with my musical project! I have to edit the intro of a song and the end of another, fix the lyrics intrumentals of another, and compose the last one. My deadline is late May, so I'll be done way before, thankfully. Now, dear reader, have a nice day/evening/night!
April 2nd, 2026
Three, two, one... online! This is it, this blog is online! Hehe, I'm glad. So... what can you expect from me in the following weeks? I've been working on: - A musical project (about 80% done), which i've been working on since January. I have to be done with it by May at most, but it'll probably go online prior to that. - I'm rewritting an Ao3 non-fiction text about my very first special interest as my next blog post! You can find the original Ao3 version here. But outside of that, here's a few cool things about my life: - I might get an internship soon! It's a mandatory step to candidate for my dream studies. After that, when I find a job (it's a work-study program), I'll be able to start studying either late May or early September! (For context: I dropped out of college twice this year, I had two online courses: one I failed due to not finding an internship in time, the other being terribly done by the school and incomprenhensible) If that fails though, I do have back up study places I candidated to. Well, some of them I really don't wanna join, but I live with my father so I don't get to choose *shrug*. - I'm going out more and being a tiny bit less chronically online. I've made friends, even been invited places, it's going great. I couldn't have imagined this a year ago (why exactly will be explained in a future post). I'm still trying to gather the courage to go out with people outside of associative moments, but I've yet to do it. :/ Lastly, I'M SO EXCITED FOR TOMODACHI LIFE LIVING THE DREAM!!! The 3DS version was my whole childhood (400h, yes), and the demo was amazing. Hey, only two weeks left! I'm gonna Outer Wilds the hell out of this game. /silly
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